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I had it all------at least I THOUGHT I did. I was pretty, I drove a 75,000 Mercedes, I owned a business with my husband, I lived in a beautiful home.....I am 34 yrs old. I started smoking weed when I was 15 and smoked every day until I was 33. Then I started smoking crack. I quit the pot all of the sudden (after 18 years!!), because the crack was better. I smoked crack every day for months. My husband ended up taking my Mercedes and selling it. I stayed home every day instead of running my business so I could smoke crack. I spent about $30,000 in 3 months time. I left my husband to stay in different hotel rooms & smoke crack. I did'nt care about ANYTHING---my business, my mother, my husband, not having a car, not having money. It's a miracle-----through everything I did, I was never raped, jumped, arrested, killed. I never overdosed. Nothing.....except lose everything I had-----which I didn't care about anyway. Anyway, I had my mom send me $500 so I could leave my husband and drive about 18 hours to move in with mom. Well, I made it about one hour out of Texas into a dive of a motel in Louisiana. I stayed there for about 6 days, never leaving the room, not eating, nothing ! I had a rental car that I let a crack dealer drive as long as he provided me with crack to smoke. One night, he didn't come back in the rental car until the next day. I was terrified AND I was OUT of crack ! I had no money, I hadn't eaten, I had my 3 dogs with me, I was lying to my mother about where I was, on and on........So.....I broke down and called my husband to come get me. I told him that I KNEW I could quit on my own, but that I NEEDED his support ! Well, nothing changed, he went back to the name calling, the mental abuse, controlling me, etc.....I started smoking crack AGAIN ! Now all of this is after "having it all" and 6 months later having nothing, I HURT my husband and my family and myself ! We had a business that we started with $50,000. 5 years later, it was a million dollar company. Why I turned to drugs.......well I can blame it on several things, and some of them would be ligitimate. Anyway, crack TOOK OVER me, apparently ! One night, my husband was crying.He went on about how he KNEW I was doing it still, how it ALREADY ruined our lives, etc.....Well, it hit me ! I wanted help ! I sat down on 12-19-03 and called several rehab centers and hospitals looking for somewhere I could check myself into.Three days later, I went to a hospital for an evaluation, only to find out that the unit was a psychiatric unit ! So, the nurse gives me a list of places that I could try, about 10 places. Well, I had already called ALL of the places on the 19th, so I knew already that because of waiting lists, insurance, etc., that there was ONLY ONE place on that list that I could go to RIGHT THEN ! I had driven myself to the hospital. I was in a new city. I knew no one, nor did I know how to get anywhere. Anyway, I found this place and went inside. I IMMEDIATELY was told that they were ALL ABOUT JESUS ! I sat back in my seat in disgust, saying that I wasn't there to learn about God but that I was there because I wanted to get off the drugs. That's when the wife of this "home" pulled me aside to talk to me. She said, "you can go to rehab after rehab and hospitals and drug programs, etc.....They can make you look good again, get your health back in shape, have you eating again & gain your weight back, BUT there is only ONE person that can change you on the inside and that is God." I started to cry. I KNEW in my heart that I was at that particular place for a reason ! I went outside to call my mother and soak it all in. I decided to stay and try it. They took me to the womens home, there were 5 other girls there, all of which were crackheads like me. BUT, these girls had really lost everything (I only thought I had) I mean, no home, lost their kids, etc....For me, I don't have kids and I always had my mother that would take me in ! Anyway, I only lasted at this place for about 7 hours before I called my husband to come get me. I believed that God took me there for a reason. I knew what I had to do ! I had crushed my husband ALL these months and left him with our business to run (which he knows his part of the job, but he didn't know mine) I had left him with all of this too long. So, I said the repentence prayer with one of the girls at the home and I went home. This was all on Dec 22, 2003. My life changed-----I changed ! It was amazing ! Now, it is Feb 16, 2003. I fell 3 times back to the drug, but I am clean, saved, and a born again Christian ! TODAY, I can say that I will not fall again because Jesus is holding my hand. Satan works overtime on me and I live with 3 people, 2 of which are NOT saved. It is HARD to stay straight, but God took the DESIRE away from me and I have to pray EVERY day that He guides me and keeps me from the drug. I also pray that He will save my husband, his sons, his brother that lives with us, and his nephew that lives with us. I have kept myself home from work STILL because I have been concentrating on Jesus and healing MYSELF. I KNOW they need me at the office, but it is full of non-believers, cussing all the time, etc...(I am NOT judging, I am only stating the facts) INSIDE, I just want to scream out how Jesus helped me and I want everyone around me to be saved. They SEE how I have changed, but yet THEY won't change. It's hard to tell someone that doesn't want to listen to accept Jesus ! It's also hard being around them ! I AM going to church now. I pray every day. I am clean of the crack and I thank Jesus ALL the time ! I NEED for everyone that reads this to pray for me that I continue to learn the word of God and that He will also save my loved ones. I WANT to go back to work. I WANT them to be saved, too ! I just thank Jesus so much for how He has changed MY life and I don't want to have to move to moms just because I can't MAKE my husband's family SEE JESUS or come to Jesus! Please pray for me and my loved ones and if YOU have a drug problem, remember this......NO ONE CAN HELP YOU BUT JESUS ! NO ONE ! NOT EVEN YOU! ACCEPT HIM AS YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR AND WATCH-------YOUR LIFE, TOO, WILL CHANGE DRAMATICALLY----OVERNIGHT ! From John 14:1-----Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God. Trust also in me. Thank you for taking time to read this and thank you for your prayers. May God bless you all ! Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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