|
|
On December 14th, 2002 I made the worst mistake of my life. I had never even imagined what it would be like to be pregnant, and I defintly never thought what I would do if I did become pregnant. I had always been pro-choice, but I never thought I would have to go through it. It was always okay for anyone else to go through it,but not me. I had been with my boyfriend for a year and a half when I became pregnant. On November 27th I found out I was pregnant. I had all the symptoms,but kept putting it off because I wasnt ready to face the consequence of my action. I had been working in childcare for 3 years when I found out. Everyday I looked at those children it made it harder for me to make a decsion, how could I teach these children then turn around and abort my on child. I was so confused, and everyone was telling reasons I shouldnt go through with it, but I was in no position to raise a child I couldnt evern raise myself, and I didnt want to subject my baby to a lifestyle like that. My boyfriend denied the baby, threatened to leave me, and even said he wanted nothing to do with the child even if it was his(which it was). I felt so alone. I denied to myself what I was going to do all the way uop to the day of the procedure. All I kept thinking of was being in this room full of women doing the same thing I was, and I felt so alone. The doctors were in such a rush to get things done, and everyone was so robotic. I was in the room where they did the ultrasound and I keep telling myself I should have left as soon as I saw the picture, but I didnt. I was so numb during the whole thing, I cant really remember any other feelings. I remember sitting in the waiting room when they called my name and I took this deep breath, and told my baby goodbye, and prayed that he/she would forgive me for what I was about to do. The pain was horrible, and the next thing I knew I was in the recovory room,not knowing how I got there, all I could do was cry. I felt so empty. I had to get out so I got uop and walked out before I was supposed to but I could be there anymore. My boyfriend was there with me, but he left that day and I havent seen him since. I still cry myself to sleep at night, and my reasons for doing arent so clear anymore, but I know that God forgives me and now I need to forgive myself. Somedays are easier then others, but I promise you what I did is still on the surface of everything. I dont talk about it much to people, I dont want it to become the family secret, but it helps if I deal with it on my own.I now the impact of having on abortion, and it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. If you can relate to my story and need to talk then email me. Ashley Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
HE INVITES, INC., a non-profit corporation.
These testimonies are not intended to provide |
|||||
