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DESPERATELY SEARCHING FOR LOVE... My name is Anita, and I´m from Austria. Today I´m 41, look like 31 because of the grace of the Lord, and I´m in love with JESUS, who became everything for me. All my life I was desperately searching for love. I remember when I was a child, I always looked for love and attention from men. But they abused me all the time. I experienced so much rejection, that I could not speak clearly, and I could not talk to people. I was so afraid of them. My sadness and my loneliness were very much destructive to me, and it brought me always to the wrong type of men. With seventeen I met my husband, and I went with him to Germany, because he had so many debts. He was gambling any time, so most of the time he was in troubles. I started as a prostitute in a big houre-house. It was terrible, I had so many fears, that I needed to drink some glasses before I started to work. At that time I thought, God the Father is so angry on me, that he never would accept me anymore, when I pray to him. I grew up as traditional catholic, but my father hated God. So I worked as prostitute, and most of the time, my friend lost all the money at gambling. There was no way out anymore for me... My life got darker and darker. I hated him, but I also loved my friend. I could not leave him alone, and at the other side I was too afraid to leave him. Later on we had our own night-clubs in Austria, and I still was a prostitute after 8 years. Then I got a baby, and my heart started to change. I wanted to get out of this environment. But there was no way out, so I thought... One day my little daughter pulled me to a church-building. We went in, and I looked to the cross and started to pray: "Lord, if you really exist, please help us!" I thought about our debts, and the night-bar, where I was involved. More and more troubles came on me. At this time we moved to the country-side. My friend became meanwhile my husband, but he still gambled and drunk very much, and had other relationships beside me. I was the sadest woman in the world, that I often did not recognize my sweet daughter. In this thime God sended a woman in my life, she was the neighbor. One day I visited her, and I felt this love and peace, I ever looked for. I asked her: "What is that?" She said only:"This is Jesus, he is real!" I was so touched at this name, and I´m still touched, when I hear his name. I went home, and I looked at my books, if I can find more of Jesus. I found a bible, which was laying there between all my terrible books. I never had a bible, but it was there. I started to read in Isaiah 54,8: "In a serge of anger I hid my face from you for a moment, but with everlasting kindness I will have compassion on you." In this moment I felt, the Lord was talking to me personally. He knew me. He knew how much I needed his salvation, his resolution. How much I needed him. I felt on my knees and prayed. I invited Jesus in my life and I asked for forgiveness of my sins. Every day I brought sins to him, what I suddenly remembered, and I felt this wonderful peace coming... O how I need Jesus!!!! My husband did not understand what happened. I changed totally. I tried to get out of this night-club, I wanted to close it. But my husband got so angry, that he promised me to kill me, if I do so. I was afraid, but there was this peace and love in my heart. This was worth to die!! But the Lord protected me. He gave me the strength to take my daughter and go to another town, where I worked regularly again. This is only possible by his grace. I would have never get out of this, but he is faithful to those who want to go his way, even if it is a very small path. He gave me back a joy, which I cannot say in words. Only sometimes the enemy wants to come back with memories, then I need him to tell the truth: God´s wonderful word: "I´m a new creation, no more in condemnation, here in the grace of God I stand!!!!!" Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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