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I was raised as a JW. My parents got a divorce and both remarried abusive people. I was removed from both homes and when I was 10 I went to live with my grandma who was a Catholic. I struggled to find God in between all the lies, hypocrisy, and the tradition and could not. I remember the day that I decided that God did not exist, that religion was created by man and the bible some very well played out hoax. It was far from comforting. One night, not long after I was having this recurring nightmare that got worse and worse, until I was awake and having it. I know now that it was actually demonic attack, but I was only 10 and the JW's and Catholic's do not teach or understand the truth about demons and their presence in our lives. I was in my room and there at the foot of my bed was this child all beaten and bloody and dying, crying and then screaming at me to save it. In desperation I cried out to God, (for someone who doesn't believe in Him I sure seem to put some faith in Him here), and prayed that if He did exist to forgive me and save me from this horrible nightmare. He did. Immediately, the child was gone, the room was quiet, and I felt an overwhelming sense of peace and fell asleep in the knowledge that God had reached His hand out for me. But it was not for another 10 years of searching and floundering, stumbling and walking in sin that I finally found Jesus, My Lord and Saviour. I was so depressed and no body understood and no body had any answers. I had decided that I would commit suicide. I went to some no name community church with a friend with the hope that I could talk to God one final time and beg him not to leave me in hell for killing myself, because I didn't know what else to do and was afraid of being damned. And He was there. In that little church, and in those precious people. He spoke to me there and told me He wanted me, and that I knew what that meant. The strangest thing was that I knew exactly what I had to do, (I sometimes wonder how long I had known and disregarded it). I gave my whole life over to Jesus and asked Him to cover me with His sacrifice and fill me with his Holy Spirit to guide me and cleanse me. I felt such amazing love and acceptance, knowing that I had done nothing to deserve it. His peace flowed into me and one by one cut all the chains that were holding me to sin. He cut homosexual desire, pornography, masturbation, sex, despression, material desires, suicidal thoughts, and even family tensions. He showed me how to pray, especially for my family that they too could be saved, and filled me with a deep yearning for His word. That was one year ago, January 10, 2001. I am stilling following Him, imperfect and being perfected, sinful and being washed. One by one, the chains that tied me to this world and Satan, by shame, are being removed. Amen. Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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