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On Top of my runnin' and gunnin', I added drugs and alcohol to my madness until I no longer recognized the face in my bathroom mirror. I got close and saw an empty sorrow I will never forget. My life even with three wonderful children had no meaning. . Did someone tell him how I felt? How would they know? Just then like so many other times in my life I felt a hand resting on my heart, only this time I knew it was the hand of God. Not the one I made up to keep me sober, but God our creator. Since that night I have never felt alone or in the dark. I pray and He hears me. I read God's word and He is there for understanding, and He is inside me for guidance. He is wonderful. The more I read, the more I feel. The more I feel, the closer I get to knowing Him. Jesus is opening my heart more and more each day. Now when I pass by a mirror, I see a women with Lord in her heart ans spirit in her eyes. It is through Jesus I find Freedom http://onehearteph4.homestead.com/home.html I believe that I still had an ounce of faith some where deep down inside that carried me to the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. I sat there listening to people talking about there higher power, and how much it helped them. When I asked someone how I could get some of this God thing, they told me to write down on paper what kind of God I had in my life, and on another piece of paper write down what I would like God to be. When I was finihed they told me to keep the paper of the one that I wanted God to be and to throw away the other. So I did. Growing up in a "religious" church my God was for me a very strict and punishing God. So of course I decided to keep the cool God who I made up to cater to me and only me. I was soon learning to be selfish and self seeking. I hung onto Him for seven long years and I stayed drug and alcohol free but still very much in the dark. I started to realize how alone I felt inside. I needed more. I started going to church and every time I would walk in one I would always sit in the back of the room and cry, not knowing why. Then I would need to leave early because I knew something was happening to me and I was scared of it! I ran from church to church untill the night of Easter eve, 1997. I was sitting with my head in my hands crying listening to the pastor thinking that he was talking directly to me. I was wondering who told him what to say. Did someone tell him how I felt? How would they know? Just then like so many other times in my life I felt a hand resting on my heart, only this time I knew it was the hand of God. Not the one I made up to keep me sober, but God our creator. Since that night I have never felt alone or in the dark. I pray and He hears me. I read God's word and He is there for understanding, and He is inside me for guidance. He is wonderful. The more I read, the more I feel. The more I feel, the closer I get to knowing Him. Jesus is opening my heart more and more each day. Now when I pass by a mirror, I see a women with Lord in her heart ans spirit in her eyes. It is through Jesus I find Freedom http://onehearteph4.homestead.com/home.html Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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