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My life prior to becoming a Christian was centered around one thing. Me! All of my time was focused on what I could do that would satisfy me. God and my family were certainly not at the top of my priority list. Drinking had always been a priority and was the cause of many problems in the past, although I did quit in 1996. Golf was a priority, if not an addiction. My desire for status, success and personal fulfillment all took priority in my life. I wanted everyone to be impressed with me, so I usually bragged about my accomplishments in fulfilling my needs. Gambling was also a way to satisfy my needs. I had always gambled, but it turned into an obsession and soon replaced drinking. I thought it was the perfect “hobby”. Gambling gave me a high that alcohol did not give me, without the physical hangover. It allowed me to brag about my handicapping expertise in horse racing, about my knowledge and courage in playing blackjack and making that “big money” putt on the last hole. I loved to tell everyone about how much money I would bet and how much I would win. The exhilaration of gambling was exactly what I needed to fulfil my needs. I had to place bets everyday to satisfy my needs. The thrill of a big win was better than any feeling I had ever had. I would feel invincible and couldn’t wait to get more. I couldn’t go a day without it. My whole life revolved around gambling. Anytime I traveled, with or without my family, gambling was involved. I was always looking for ways to get to the track or the casino. I would drop off my daughter at softball practice and go to the OTB. I once called my wife from the ball field so she could put the phone up to the TV, so I could listen to a horse race. I left my family once to go to the riverboat on Christmas Day. I fit gambling in any way that I could and always left my family alone. My typical day started at 8:30 when I went to work. I would usually go to lunch at around 11:30, drive to the OTB for a couple of hours and then back to work. Sometime, I handicapped races at my desk in the afternoon. I would leave work at 4:30 or 5:00 and usually go back to the OTB to place bets for the evening. Three or four evenings a week I would go to the OTB, leaving my family at home. If I was home, the time was spent handicapping the next day’s races. I would go to bed around 1:00 a.m. and then repeat it the next day. I was leading a life that was spinning out of control and no one knew it. Everyone thought that I was winning and becoming an expert handicapper and black jack player. I would tell my stories and people would act as if they were in awe and some wished they had the knowledge and courage to do it. People would ask for tips and go to the OTB to watch me gamble. I had all the attention and pride that I needed to fulfill my life. However, I was losing big, but convinced myself that I was the best and would ultimately “hit the big one”, but it never happened. The gambling became so out of control that I had to have more and more money to satisfy my needs. I borrowed as much money as I could, taking advantage of friends in the banking business. When I reached my borrowing limits, I quickly devised illegal methods at work to obtain the cash I needed to support my habit. The addiction was so strong, that I could not stop. I knew that what I was doing was wrong, but I was living in a lie and saw no way out. On the nights that I would lose, I would drive home and say to myself that I had to stop, that I was never going back. The next morning, I couldn’t wait to get started again. Every day I knew that it could be the day when my employer would question me on what I had done to get the cash. It didn’t matter, I couldn’t stop. Well, the day came. I was confronted and knew I was caught. I didn’t know what to do. I was facing the possibility of losing my family, friends and everything else that I had. In addition, I new that I would probably have to serve time for what I had done. I tried to consider all the options, but I didn’t think I could go on living with what I had done and what I had done to my wife, who had stuck with me during some very troubled times in the past and children, who absolutely adored me. I had other sin in my past and had already put them through more than anyone deserves. I had come to the end of myself and was very close to suicide. A note had already been written and placed where my wife could find it. I was literally within inches of ending my life. But God is a loving and forgiving God and truly touched me on that day. I had worked with a Christian and considered him a friend. We had talked on a couple of occasions about salvation. I had told him that I always wanted to know my purpose in life. He invited me to his church and I always said I was thinking about it, but knew that I would never go. I never thought that I could live my life for someone other than myself or be able to give up the lifestyle that I had grown accustomed to. He even asked me one day that if I were to die, did I think I would go to heaven. My answer was honest. I told him “no, I will go to hell”. He told me the name of his pastor and I even attended a luncheon with him and was seated with his pastor. I didn’t realize at the time how valuable his information would be. I now know that God touched me that day. I got into my car and went to get the suicide note I had already placed in my wife’s car. I drove my car thinking that if I could go home and walk through my house and look at my family’s pictures and still consider ending my life, then I would do it. I didn’t know it them, but God was leading me in another direction. I made an appointment with the pastor and saw him within the week. I told him what had happened and that I wanted to know God. I didn’t know how to accomplish it, but I knew that I needed Jesus Christ to get me through these times. We discussed pride ( 1 John 2:15-17 15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever. ) and salvation ( Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved. ). I kept thinking that it was to easy and there had to be more. I began to read the Bible and other information that he had provided me. It all started to become so clear. On one of my visits, we discussed the conversion of Saul, the Ethiopian Eunich, Cornelius and the Phillipian Jailor from the Book of Acts. We discussed the characteristics of the four; they had all come to the end of themselves, all were given instruction from God, all made Christ the object of their life and all had a change in their life. I particularly remember the jailor who asked Paul and Silas “what must I do to be saved?”(Acts 16:30) The answer was so clear; “Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved”(Acts 16:31). That was the moment that I knew that I wanted to accept Jesus Christ as my savior. I prayed with the pastor and on September 27, 1999, I repented my sin and placed all of my faith in Jesus Christ and accepted Him as my Savior, knowing that He died for my sins and was risen so that I could have eternal life. I have now replaced the gambling addiction with a thirst and hunger for God’s Word. The time that I used to spend on handicapping and gambling, now is spent on bible studies. I spend hours reading and studying scripture. I listen to men like Dr. Joe Stowell, David Jeremiah, Dr. James Dobson and Charles Stanley. My computer is now busy downloading bible, bible reference and devotional software instead of race programs and handicapping information. My wife saw the change in me also. She began to read some of the information I had and purchased a bible. She began to ask me questions about salvation. In March, she met with the same pastor that had been so crucial to my conversion. During that meeting, she also accepted the Lord as her savior. I know that there will be troubles and difficult situations in my future due to my addiction to gambling and the problems it has caused. I was listening to Joe Stowell on Proclaim doing a series on trouble using James Chapter 1 as the text. Verses 1-8 have had a tremendous impact on me: 1 James, a servant of God and of the Lord Jesus Christ, to the twelve tribes which are scattered abroad, greeting. 2 My brethren, count it all joy when ye fall into divers temptations; 3 Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience. 4 But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. 5 If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. 6 But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. 7 For let not that man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord. 8 A double minded man is unstable in all his ways. I truly believe that God is using the trouble in my life to strengthen my faith and to help me grow in wisdom in order that I can fulfil his purpose. I have placed my situation in His hands. Through prayer I am asking for wisdom and by faith I am asking God to continue His process in me. I have put my faith and trust in the Lord to help me endure the trials and troubles of my life. Scripture tells me that He will make them bearable ( 1 Corinthians 10:13 There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it. ), deliver me ( 2 Peter 2:9 The Lord knoweth how to deliver the godly out of temptations, and to reserve the unjust unto the day of judgment to be punished: ) and support me with His grace ( 2 Corinthians 12:9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ) I once so a plaque that contained a story entitled “Footsteps in The Sand”. It is a constant reminder of how the Lord is with us during times of trouble: One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord. Across the sky flashed scenes from his life. For each scene, he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord. When the last scene of his life flashed before him, he looked back at the footprints in the sand. He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints. He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life. This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it. "Lord, you said that once I decided to follow You, You'd walk with me all the way. But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life, there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why when I needed You most You would leave me." The Lord replied: "My son, my precious child, I love you and I would never leave you. During your times of trial and suffering, when you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you." (Author Unknown) I have faith that He will be there to pick me up and carry me when the situations are the toughest. Sometimes God takes us through tough times so that His purpose for us can be fulfilled. Trust in God and He will ultimately provide the victory! Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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