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From the time I was a child of about six a friend who was eight introduced a few of us to sex. it was just pornography and masterbation at first but soon it advanced to homosexual acts and we experimented with beastiality. we didn't know at the time that he was being molested by a neighborhood man. we continued to do this for several years even up to the age of fifteen. I was addicted to sex of anykind it didn't matter with who or what, After that we all moved away from each other. for many years I struggled with the beastialitything since it was the only way to fulfill my sexual desires. I didn't know how to change I hated myself and new what I was doing was extremely wrong. but I couldn't talk to any one about it. I knew the reality of being addicted to sex and wanting to be normal. I dated girls and loved it only all the time I also thought about men and pleasing myself. At fifteen I started going to church. I started talking to God but every time I opened the bible I kept finding scriptures about my hidden life and how abominable I was in god's eyes. I was afraid to tell anyone because of the shame. I had said a prayer of salvation but couldn't believe I was saved because of my past being so bad. I went to bible college because a friend was going My parents were so proud. I went with hope to find God. thinking that at least I would find him there. My dispair grew and I finally gave up on ever finding God. I din't know that it was Satan talking to me the whole time when I would think that God doesn't love me he hates people like me He would never have me as his child he doesn't want me and will not save me there is no hope for me. I finally gave into the lies and left college. i went a little wild,I got into drugs, moved in with my girlfriend, started smoking marajuiana an once a week. I found out about my girlfriend messing around on me and kicked her out. Soon after I found as if by accident a place where men went to find sex and dove into the dark side of my heart. I soon met a woman who was wonderful and we were married we had a child. I was still going out every chance I got and living my hidden lifestyle. I wanted to change but didn't know how. One night while out an Angel came into the back seat of my car as I was going to mess around on my wife again. he said to me what about my wife and my child. I thought I was going crazy or something and shook it off and went and sinned. but it started me thinking about why I couldn't be normalI could remember the lies I believed as a child to get it all started. I kept asking why I was so messed up or why I couldn't be a normal dad or why was i so crazy why why why why, Later while in a bar playing fooseball in a tournament. a man came up behind me and asked me if I went to church. I didn't lie to him and never looked at him I just answered "No" and he said "that's why" as I kept waiting to hear what he was going to say he never said anything else If he had I was going to tell him all about his church and God. after I got no more response. I looked around and there were about ten people all walking away in different directions and I wondered if he was an angel or just someone doing what God asked. It started me thinking about God and about church and all I had witnessed there. I made a deal with God and begged him to not let my little girl grow up without him like I did. I told him I knew there was no hope for me but don't let her grow up without you lord. So I went to church for my little girl and thinking there was no hope for me when all of the sudden fear gripped me an overwhelming dread filled my heart and I felt like I had to get up and run from the service I started praying to God that if there was any hope for me I needed it now I remember thinking I could get up and run out the door and right when I thought the thought The pastor called me forward. he led me in the sinners prayer and I felt the dread leave my heart and peace filled me and tranquility covered me, Soon after Satan was talking to me and filling my mind with lies and evil thoughts worse than ever before. I struggled with my past and continued to believe the lies I was hearing Satan said he didn't save you he just did that so you could bring your daughter. I was soon going back out again while every week going to church. I wanted to change but didn't know how I believed that if I was saved how could I have thoughts like that. How could I do the things I was doing and be saved and in truth I was lost but Thank God for his faithfulness. He touched me again and called me home only this time he used a tract to do it. For three years I struggled with my past and my sin. I found a tract at church and the holy spirit gripped me from head to toe I lay on the floor in my house and cried. I called my pastor and shocked him with the news of my past. God filled me with his holy spirit and changed my way of thinking and has been faithful and forgiven me everytime I messed up which has been a bunch. But through training and understanding his word he has delivered me from my sin. and the desire there of He allowed me to tell my wife and he has worked a healing in our home he has given us a love for each other deeper than we could even imagine. He has called us into the ministry and he has been training us in his work. He placed us in the youth pastorate at our church and performed miracle upon miracle in our lives. after he called me into the ministry I found out I was HIV positive and you would think I would have gotten discouraged or depressed or something but God has put a trust in me for his love and faithfulness. I trust in him for a healing and am waiting he has also put us into our own ministry to do his will. May he be praised through my life May I bring him glory and joy to his heart. He is faithful and attentive to our prayers and true to his word. since I've been saved I have heard his voice audibly and seen visions ans had dreams he has used me as his vessel for prophecy and performed healing through my hands Praise God His arm is not short but log and reaching into the furthest darkness to save his children has has chosen me even yet while I sinned so I gladly have chosen him and to serve him and worship him for his love is great and his mercy is endless. I thank him for salvation and hope that this testamony will encourage other to realize he is able to forgive even the deepest sin and loving enough to call you son. Praise his name and give him glory for he is worhty of all praise Amen by the way everytime I go to the doctor he says if i get any better I will be walking on the water. Pray that God would continue to have his way in me May God minister to many Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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