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Hi, My name is Roneice and I'm 42 years old. I grew up in a gospel music entertainment family, so needless to say, I was raised in church. I was in church everytime the doors were opened. Some time between the ages of 6 and 8, I went to the alter....I was in a Sunday night service. My granddad was the pastor at the time and when he saw me coming he met me in the alter. All I remember was crying and repeating his words. Later in life, I wondered if I, actually, had a spiritual birth....I secretly thought about it often. When I was in my late twenties, our family business burned to the ground, I found myself shaken. The tragedy caused me to turn to a Christian radio station where I listened to a pastor and again prayed a prayer of salvation. For the past fifteen years, I've been a diligent worker in the church, serving on various committees, but plagued with secret questions of doubt. For the past two years, I've prayed for God to show me at which of the two, aforementioned times, I had become His child. Oddly enough I never got an answer. I needed a date, I wanted a date. For the past year my best friend has been counseling with me. She, by trade, is a counselor and has helped me through some rough times. In 1996 our family patriarch died, in 1998 my dad died, one week later my uncle died and in 1999 my father-in-law died. Sunday, I came home from the morning service, with a chip on my shoulder that remained the entire day. Sunday night after the evening service, my friend invited me to her house to talk about what was bothering me. She bombarded me with questions and finally I yelled at her that I questioned the existence of God. This scared her. Later, she told me that she prayed for God to lead her words because she knew me well enough to know that I would bolt if she said the wrong thing. With that, she asked if I questioned His existence or His existence in my life. Sarcastically, I told her that I had a problem with the existence of an all powerful entity, living in the sky that could that could move a mountain, literally, and that could come to this earth and hang on a cross and that was suppose to give us a way to Heaven. She asked me if I believed that when I died, then, was that it, was it over. My response was, "no, I believe you go to Heaven or Hell. I don't have a problem with the validty of Scripture. For whatever reason, I believe Scripture to be historical fact....all of it adds up! The prophets, prophesying the Messiah, the dates, the Temple falling, all of it." She said, "then maybe you don't have a problem with His existence, maybe your problem is with His existence in your life." Suddenly, it clicked! See folks, I knew all the answers, I knew God existed, I saw evidence of Him everyday. But I couldn't see evidence of Him in my life. I had been praying for more than two years for God to give me the time that I'd been saved, with it never occurring to me that NO answer WAS my answer. So, Sunday night, July 23, 2000, on my friends back porch, at 10:00 P.M., I realized, for the first time, I was not saved. I could accept God coming to save the worlds sins but I had a difficult time accepting that He came to save Roneice's sins and if I couldn't accept that He died for MY sins, then I couldn't accept His salvation. But now I know that I know that I know!!!! Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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