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WOW...i almost do not know how to begin so... i will pray and ask the Lord to guide me in my words that he will be glorified through everything that is said.i came from a very dsyfunctional family like we all have. my mother raised my brother and i by herself because my father denied me and never wanted to know me,therefore i have never ever met my earthly father before(i'd rather have my heavenly father over any old earthly father anyday) .i grew up in poverty with low self esteem,suicidal,very depressed from the age of 13 to 22.my mother loved me but she just didn't know how to show me she did the best she could and i love her for that even though it hurt me. I would go to any length to get love or attention i started stealing,lying,sex,adultery. when i say my mother hurt me she didn't teach/discipline me which is what i really needed.my brother who is older(just the two of us only) left home so i had no one to teach and lead me. i tried to teach myself the bible all i know is that i wanted jesus but i had no encouragement so i became very promicuous throughout my whole teenage years by the time i was eighteen i had been with forty men. i never got into drugs,but i did the most terriable thing ever and that was when i murdered my two children when i had two abortions. i thought sex would get me love because that's all i knew it made me feel accepted and that perhaps if i do someone will care which they didn't. my mother was abused physically and mentally by men even though i could count on one hand how many men she was with they treated her so bad and we watched and could do nothing about it. i was in idolotry because i made men my everything because i was seeking for love from a man i had NEVER gotten. i had NO postive males in my life. it was always my mother and i who was my best friend,but she chose men over me who only ended up hurting her. i was very depressed as a teenager hopeless and addicted to sex. i was a hearer of the word but not a DOER. i rebelled against god and disobey and i suffered many consequences. i've had two STD's because of my ignorance and having unprotected sex with forty men in my life. one std i will live with for the rest of my life.i grew up in a small town where everyone riduculed my brother and i because we were poor and i just never fitted into this world(that's a good thing).i hit rock bottom when i found out that my mother was in the hospital dying from AIDS.for years i never new she had the virus and i don't think she knew either but the man did and she was loyal to him chose him over her own children. he beat,raped,stole,abused verbally/psycally,and killed her in the end. october 6 1997 the day my mother died from complications from AIDS. i know i died with her she was my life(hint:my life)she was mama and daddy in one who took care of us. i was young only twenty two years old going from pillow to post.two years later i have" by the grace of god" i'm finally starting to heal and forgive. thanks to my sister's and bother's in christ who god sent to help me in my recovery. i was at this point in my life i had so many wounds which turned into scars later,which made me angry and bitter most of my life,but i would always try to heal the wounds "myself" by putting a bandaid on them and running when i really needed serious spiritual surgery.one day God spoke to me and told me that i was still putting bandaids on wounds that needed surgery "His surgery". at that time when i started facing my fears,hurts,and pain was i restored and forgiven and the blinders came off..i went into to spiritual surgery and to top it off it wasn't as painful as i thought God even did plastic surgery after closing the wound for good He remove the scarring that was left behind for so many years. one thing i figured out throughout my entire life "God is a mystery",but HE IS SOVEREIN(He "reigns" over all things and circumstanses).at the young age of twenty five i have been freed from bondage of my sins because of what Christ did two thousand years ago..through His "sacrificial blood". now i know how to study the word of God myself through the inductive method without alway listening to someone else(people of whom was serving their own God because it certainly was not the God of the bible). when i became a parent to the"second joy of my life"(hint:) i really could understand my Heavenly Father's unconditionally love for me and all of his children who trust and obey Him.Because all things work for the good for those who love the Lord,who are called by his purpose,predestined,whom He forknew.(Romans 8:28)awsome and powerful.God knew you before you were in your mother's womb. (jeremiah ch.1).WHAT A MIGHTY AND AWESOME GOD WE SERVE.to all who read this God said he would never leave you nor forsake that you can profess or confess before ALL MEN the lord is my helper i shall not fear what men do unto me(Hebrews 13:4-6).God loves you no matter what and he already knew we were going to mess up our lives before we messed them up,but oh...no greater love than this that a man would lay down his life for friends(john 15:12-14).i don't believe God has brought me this far to leave me. why? because he said he never would. TRUST AND OBEY AND REAP "ETERNAL" LIFE. Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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