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Spiritual Experience I first became a Christian just over 2 years ago at an Alpha Course in England and I wish to offer my testimony, about the events, which brought me to accept our Lord. I was not brought up in a Christian family in the sense that my parents went to church and encouraged me. They did, however, send me to Sunday school in the mornings. I think this may have been to give them a little peace and quite on Sundays. I stopped praying from the age of about 10 years of age. I used to "bunk off" from Sunday school, as I couldn't see the point of going. In all of my life, I only prayed a few times and that was when I felt the need, because of events that effected me or the family. The first time I prayed was when I was drowning in the Mediterranean Sea. I had struggled against the sea and the current had dragged me under many times. I cried out to God that He would save me and not let me die. I could either try or swim to the shoreline, which I tried with no success, or I could go for the rocks where I might have some success. I’ll let you guess which option I took. I prayed again when my wife was taken into hospital to have a major operation. The only time we had been separated was when the children had been born. The moment in my life which changed me completely, was the day that my wife was first diagnosed with cancer. I prayed again to the Lord and asked that she would be get better and that the Chemotherapy treatment would be a success. You see what frightened us both, was that her mother died from the same illness when she was only 49 years of age. Christine was just 52. She has seen the way her mother had suffered and she was terrified of the pain she could get. After the Chemotherapy treatment was completed she was told that she was in remission, you can imagine how we felt. It was at this time that I noticed that our local Congregational Church was running Alpha classes. I didn't react straight away but was reminded when a leaflet dropped through my door that same evening. I then surprised my wife by telling her that I wished to find out more about God. You see for 20 years of our married life she had been trying to get me to church. It was on this course at the Holy Sprit meeting, that I became a Christian and was filled with a most wonderful feeling, as I asked the Lord to forgive me for my sins and that I recognise Him as my Lord and Saviour. I cried with joy at this experience, as did my wife, when she saw what had happen to me. I was told that my new found faith would be constantly tested. Little did I know how much my faith was going to be tested and how angry I was going to become with God? Whilst I was at the Alpha course, we learnt that the pains my wife had been experiencing, was in fact the return of the Cancer. She had been diagnosed as having a rather aggressive tumour. It was because of this that I didn’t complete that course. This meant another major operation for Christine and much stronger chemotherapy that would make her lose all her hair and make her feel very ill. I cried when we were told the news about the cancer returning and then I became very angry with God. How could he do this to us? He can't love us if he wants us to suffer this way. My wife had prayed to Him for over 20 years and she is probably now going to die early. Is there really a God who cares? All these thoughts had gone through my mind and Christine could see that I was really troubled. She started to cry. Not because of the cancer returning, but she could see that I was blaming God for her illness. "Please" she said. "It would break my heart if you lost your faith because of my illness. I have been constantly comforted by the Lord having his arm around me and holding me tight when I am troubled. Don't break my heart by turning away from Him. That new faith that you have found is like a small flame that is glowing inside you. Let it grow until in burns brightly within you and you will know the Lord's love. Whatever happens to me, please don't lose that faith I felt ashamed. Here was my wife who was going to experience so much pain in the coming months and she had not once complained. Her faith was still so strong. I vowed there and then that whatever happened, I would no longer blame the Lord, but try and let my faith grow. After the treatment had finished, Christine was told she was again in remission. I then felt that the time was right for me to be Baptised. This took place in October 1999 at the age of 57. Unfortunately, we were told that the cancer had returned just before the Baptism, but Christine encouraged me to go ahead. I was given about three minutes to give my testimony, but I took 20 minutes as I had so much to say. Not only about myself, but also about Christine who had such a strong faith and encouraged me so much. Although she was in extreme pain, she still managed to come and see me experience this wonderful occasion. Christine sadly died on 11th March 2000. It broke my heart to watch her pass away, fighting to the very end. She was not afraid of death, only of leaving her loved ones behind. I constantly told her how much I loved her and these were the last words I spoke to her before she died. I know now that she is at last at peace and would be extremely happy to see that my faith has grown and that flame was glowing brightly within me. Where do I go from here? Since Christine’s death I have tried to come to terms with a new life without her. My children are grown up and live their own lives. My life is empty of her love and at times I will shed tears when I am alone (although I have cried on a number of occasions when I am in the church when something has touched my heart. I know she is with our Lord and no longer suffering, but I still miss her so much. My Church has been so wonderful and understanding and has mourned her loss with me. The Church was full on the day her funeral took place. I know that I will never be alone and that my Christian family will always be there for me. I just hope that my testimony will help somebody who has experienced his or her own great loss but have turned away from the Lord. As my wife said, she got great comfort from the Lord who had his arm around her when she was ill. Well I would like to think that he is now comforting me. Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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