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Ihave a prison ministry, and one of the ladies in prison wrote me this: I am sure she would like to share it This is the testimony of Kathleen Jones: “The spirit of the Lord is upon me. The Lord has anointed me to tell the good news to poor people. He has sent me to comfort those whose hearts have been broken, He has sent me to announce freedom for those who have been captured. He wants me to set prisoners free from their dark prisons.” Isaiah 61:1 NIV I have good news for you today. Jesus loves you so very much, and until you actually realize, and accept the love of God, life cannot be lived-you only exist. For someone such as myself, my deepest desire; the most powerful passion I had was the need, and desire to be loved. Sure I had been taught as a child “Jesus loves me.” I had heard it all my life. It was no more than three words to me. Nothing I’d ever believe. Little did I know that the day would come that I would need the love, the love that drove Jesus to die on a cross for me. I grew up as the middle child-of three,-and older sister, and a younger brother. I was raised in church. My mother had been a Sunday school teacher as long as I can remember! My mother raised us very well; she lived a good clean Christian life before me. My relationship with God was destroyed by a chain of events that were beyond my control. At the age of 7 or 8 I was sexually molested at church during a worship service. Several years later I was again sexually assaulted. Both times were by grown men. Fear, and hatred were the first emotions that I became comfortable with. For years I carried several questions in my mind. “If Jesus loves me so much, how could he allow me to be hurt in his own house? Where was this all-seeing, all knowing God at the time I was being assaulted? How could Jesus allow me to be hurt this way? Jesus is suppose to love, and protect little children. I never told anyone. Instead I began to hate. I hated everyone I hated my-self, but most of all I hated God. On the outside I appeared to be a beautiful happy little girl. But inside the seed of hatred grew, and grew. I Continued to attend church (by force) and was very active in church activities, sang in the choir, and was on the Bible quiz team. I was very knowledgeable in the Bible, and in the things of God. I defiantly could not , and would not trust or even love this God that I had been taught about So I became my own God, and my first , and only mission was to destroy this awful, nasty, worthless person that it seemed like I was. I alienated myself completely from my family. No one could reach me. I Did not want to be reached. I wanted to die. After I so called took control of my life I looked for this “love “ everywhere I could, and in every thing I could put my hands on. During this deadly mission I was on I tried marriage- Which ended in my husband going to prison for rape. Then I tried drugs, Alcohol, cocaine, marijuana, and at last “crack.” The drugs led to sex, I became obsessed with sex. Then I tried children. I thought if I just had someone to love me, and to love I would be fine. I tried this 11 times —yes 11 times. I am the mother of 8 children, and lost all of them to a vicious addiction to crack. Instead of doing “crack” to get “high” with every “hit” I prayed that my heart would stop beating- twice it did, only it started back again. After this I verbally announce to my friends how much I hated God for torturing me, and keeping me alive. The last thing I ever thought would happen to me was my involvement in homosexual activity. By now I was ready, and willing to go to hell. I had lost my whole life, even my identity as a normal woman. I accepted the fact (in my mind) that I had crossed the line> I could never go back. But in the back of my mind I always knew that God had in fact created me and was keeping me alive for some (to me) abuse reason. Why would he keep me alive? Everyone else, including the system had given up on me. I could never go back to God. I had gone to far. My life was gone. No one would ever love me. Jesus could never love some one like me! I’d been in and out of jails, rehabs, and institutions. I could never be loved! There wasn’t a human being that could endure loving me, and I would never love myself. On September 23rd 1999 I was arrested again. Once again in the system, just like all the other times, or so I thought. Little did I know this was a divine appointment– I was here for “ such a time as this.” (from Ester 4:16) The last thing I ever imagined was an encounter with the Author of love himself. On November 16th, 1999 Isaiah 65: 1-3 manifested in my life. God spoke to me through a young lady who came to minister to us through the jail ministry. She took my face in her hands and looked me in my eyes ,and said 5 words to me. She said “Jesus loves you so much.” At that moment I don’t know why but I believed what I had just heard. I believed in the love of Jesus. Then she placed her hands upon my head , and prayed for me, then she gently whispered in my ear “ Kathleen you are delivered.”, and at that moment the empty feeling in the middle of my chest was suddenly filled- filled with the love of God. God had given me a new heart, full of love for him. I haven't been the same since that moment. After reading the book of Hosea the love that God had for me became real. Im being transformed day by day. It does not matter that I am STILL HERE IN PRISON. I AM FREE Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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