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Well when I was 2 years old my biological father started throwing me across the room when he was drunk.That was pretty often.My parents divorced when I was 4 years old. I was very young, but I blamed myself for their divorce.I thought that it was my crying when my dad hit me that made him leave.I was so wrong.Well everything was fine for awhile.It was just my mother,my sister, and myself. We were a happy family.At the age of 11, my dad permanently left my life.I miss him a lot.I became very depressed and tried several times to kill myself.Then a dear friend introduced me to Jesus.He came into my life and I felt better because I didn't have to deal with things all by myself.A burden had been lifted from my shoulders. My mother had a boyfriend who sexually abused me when she wasn't there.I came to believe that I was dirty.Later that year my mom married a man she'd been dating for about a year.I didn't like him because I blamed him for my father leaving me.I was wrong.My father left because he had never grown up and he couldn't handle adult life.It's sad, but it's true. Well my stepdad treated me ok for a few years.He tried to prove to my mom that he was a nice guy.He wasn't. He also began to sexually abuse me,but he just touched me and kissed.I had a boyfriend who raped me.I was horrified.How could he do that to me?I thought he loved me .I eventually found the courage to tell my mother what was going on.I had been sexually abused for about 3 years.It hurt me a lot.Well I am 18 years old now, and am still dealing with the effects of being abused.My mother let me move to Texas for 10 months, so that I could begin to heal. I love her for that. Consequently, I began to not eat anything at all because I hated myself.When my mom realized that I wasn't eating, I began to eat, but I threw up what I ate.I realize now that I had a very distorted idea of what a healthy coping mechanism was.I now write poems and short stories as a way of coping.I have since gone to a doctor and am still getting healing.When I didn't eat I really hurt my body and I will suffer consequences for the rest of my life. I have to tell you, it wasn't worth it.I had fallen away from God during my teen years because of what happened to me. Now I have rededicated my life to Jesus and He is walking alongside me in the difficult healing process.I love Him more than anything and if it wasn't for Him I wouldn't be alive now.My life hasn't been all sorrow.Because of my experiences, I have been able to lead several people to Jesus.I am a walking testimony to God's goodness.He has healed me of some of the side effects of my eating disorders. I can still have children.For that I am very grateful.I am also very grateful that God let me go through all of the stuff I went through.Jesus died for me and I am priviledged to share in His pain.I hope to tell everyone of God's goodness someday.He is awesome and has done a wonderful work in my life.He has even changed my family. I live at home now with my mom,sister,and my stepdad.I can honestly say that I love him and I forgive him.He is precious in God's sight too.One more thing, I love myself now :) I see myself as God sees me.Thanks for listening to my story...well it's really God's story. Isaiah 49:16 See I have engraved you on the palms of my hands, your walls are ever before me. This verse was such a comfort to me.God is always there.Always even when I'm alone. Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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