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I am not sure where to start. I haven't ever told this to anyone so I haven't ever thought just how to explain everything. If it seems fragmented please bear with me. In high school I was one of those guys that was more interested in partying than anything else. I started smoking weed (marijuana) when I was 15 and it became a steady habit by 16. Shortly there after I started doing acid (LSD) and some mushrooms. I didn't see anything wrong with these things because all my friends did them. Somehow (God??) I managed to graduate high school, something almost none of my friends did. Anyways this is where it all gets real interesting. I decided at 18 to move out with a couple of my good friends. This was a voluntary move, there was some tension at home but I was not forced out or anything. It was just a case of me wanting to be more grown up than I was. Anyways I moved out and from the age of 18 to a little before (or possibly after the exact date is kind of hazy) my 20th birthday, I didn't hold a legal job. What I mean by that is I sold drugs. I sold weed, acid, mushrooms, hash, basically whatever anyone wanted. It seemed perfect, I made MUCH more money than anyone I knew that worked (more than my mom even!), I didn't have any responsibilities, I could party all night, sleep all day and still pull in $100+ every day tax-free. On top of that I could do all the drugs I wanted for free and I had tons of girls that wanted to be with me, simply because I was the big dealer of the city. Anyways about 19 I decided this was all great but what I REALLY should do in addition to this is start growing marijuana. This was quickly set up, I got a few plants from a good friend of mine (who happened to be my supplier and a major player in the drug game) and I was off to the reaces. I quickly turned 2 plants into 30+. Everything seemed to be roses. Then it happened. One night I got a call from a friend (we'll call him Greg, though that is not his real name). Anyways Greg told me that he had been at Shawns house (the major supplier, this also isn't his real name) with his girlfriend and shawns girlfriend, when someone knocked on the door. Shawn went to answer it and there were about 8 police officers with a search warrant. It turns out shawn had been under investigation for a few months (about 5). The went through his whole house, took about 4 pounds of marijuana, $15,000+ in cash, his new truck, all his jewelry, his new big screen tv, basically everything he owned. And to top it off the took him to jail and the apartments he lived in of course evicted his girlfriend and their baby that night! We all played it cool for a few days and he spent 3 or 4 days in jail because he wouldn't snitch on anyone, finally his parents posted bail. I wasn't to nervous because I figured the cops were going to bust him and try to move up and get the bigger fish, considering the people he dealed with brought it across the border and even into the major city port by boat (they were the REALLY big dealers). I talked with shawn after he got out and he told me that they had showed him pictures of people (including me!!!) leaving and arriving at his apartment. They asked him to identify everyone but he refused. I'm sure they already knew all of our names from our liscence plates so I think they were just seeing how cooperative he would be. It was all quite for about 2 weeks, I thought everything had blown over. Then my friend teddy (not his real name) had his house raided. Now teddy lived in the same townhouse complex as me and dealt about the same amount. The difference was that he did it in another state, bought it here and sold it down there. So he was involved in interstate trafficking. So when he got busted I wasn't TOO surprised, a little nervous but I still felt safe enough to keep growing and selling like always. Then I started to notice helicopters flying over my house daily, and a police car parked in the general area ALWAYS! This may take some explaining. One way they catch marijuana growers is by sending helicopters over equipped with infrared cameras. They take wide angle photos, any strange heat output shows up in the photos, like the intense heat put off by a few 1000 watt lights. So I started to figure I was next to go to jail. I didn't know what to do. If I got arrested I would be evicted as a drug dealer and cultivator. With that on my record I would never be allowed to rent anywhere again. Also with that record my parents would never let me move back home. So basically I would be homeless. I didn't know what to do. I remember when I was younger my grandmother taught me a little about Jesus (my upbringing was religion free, not anti-religion just no religion) and taught me a simple childs bed time prayer. I figured at this point I had nothing to loose. I said that little prayer every night and pleaded with Jesus to help me. I promised everything, that I would quit drugs, stop growing and selling them, get in college, basically completely change my life. I figured he wouldn't do anything and I would get arrested and at least not feel any guilt, like I owed God anything. But the funny thing is that he did something. A couple days later the helicopters stopped flying over (mind you this whole time I left my lights on in my grow room, even after the choppers stopped flying over) and then the cops in the neighberhood disappeared. For a few days I thought, wow I really lucked out on that one. Then I had a dream that is to personal to share but lets just say it involved Jesus setting me straight. I woke up thinking I would have to be smoking crack to not give the praise to God for this so I started to do everything I said I would. I quite growing weed and selling it. It took me longer to quit smoking it but I did. I am now in my first year of college (at a community college) and once I finish my two years here I am transfering to the UW. I am pursuing a degree in computer science, and should be done in about 3 years. I also work full time (no more dishonest gain) and volnteer in my churchs jr and senior high youth groups. As well as being a regular attender of the saturday services and friday night college age group. The church I found (after finding God and going to every church in the area looking for his prescence) is awesome. The preacher is SO annointed, he speaks with power (and humor to keep everyone interested) and just shares straight from the bible. It has been such an awesome oasis in my life. Occasionally I still miss all the old friends and wonder what there doing, though I heard shawn is now selling large amounts of cocaine. I still pray for all of them and continue to make new friends at church. All in all God has blessed me INCREDIBLY, I couldn't begin thank him. So that is my story, probably like a million others but it's mine so I thought I'd get it out, it helps to share :) I also started (with the help of the spirit) writing poetry that I think is all right, it's hard to judge my work because I spend so much time thinking and writing about it that by the time I am ready to share it, it never seems that good. But everyone has raved about it saying it is awesome, so maybe it is, if it is then all glory goes to God because I never wrote poetry before. My favorite verse is in corinthians (sorry can't remember an exact verse number if it is important e-mail me and I will find it): "When I was a child I acted like a child, spoke like a child, and thought like a child. When I became a man I put childish things behind me", I can really relate to that. A quote I heard is that life is often lived looking forward but only unerstood looking back. I totally relate to that considering all I've been through and I thank God for every day I wake up alive and free. I included a poem I wrote a couple days ago below (the lines were to long so they wrapped but "...better way", etc... should be with the line above. Praise the lord and may Christ bless you all this holiday season. Have you ever? Have you ever killed yourself to find a better way? Died a thousand deaths just to wake up yesterday? With nothing left to say and no where left to go You find yourself alone and the cold wind begins to blow. Have you ever lost your mind so that you might find your heart? In that moment realzing your path and Gods were many miles apart? And that you aren't so smart, in fact you didn't know a thing? Came expecting condemnation but recieved instead a signet ring. Have you ever looked to the cross but then had to look away? To ashamed by your own actions and just what you did that day? A debt you can't repay, a mistake you can't undo With his dying words he proved that all he said was true. Have you ever stopped to think about just what our God has done? Have you ever felt the loss he felt when he lost his Son? Have you ever stumbled on the path but managed not to fall? Have you ever done these things, because, Lord knows, I've done them all. Ryan Molden (pen name: Phineas) Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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