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A Mother's Pain - A New Beginning My children always meant the world to me. They were my treasures to savekeep until it was time to let them go. As the boys grew I was quite proud of them. They were good kids, loved God and found strength in Him even in the rough times, when their father had left and when I had cancer. I thought that nothing would throw us, nothing could make me feel far away from God - out in the wilderness. But something did. When J. was 11 1/2 years old he had been playing football for over six years. Everybody knew us and we knew everybody in the team including the parents and family members. Slowly though I felt, that my son was changing. He didn't like my embrace anymore, he withdrew and getting him to church never went without an argument. On my 30 birthday I should find out what had changed my firstborn so drastically. The phone rang and I thought that somebody was calling to congratulate me. J. and I both picked up on our two phones at the same time and what I heard made me sick to my stomache. A man I knew well requested for J. to come over and he better not refuse, otherwise he would carry out to kill his mother. J. said that he didn't want to come, that he wanted for everything to stop, that it made him ill. Again the man threatened to hurt J.'s mom. When they hung up. I cornered J. and begged him to tell me everything - to tell me the terrible truth that took my breath away. After a long time J. started to speak and once he started he could not stop. For nearly eight month this adult had been abusing J. sexually. Showing him a gun and threatening him to shoot his mother would he tell anybody. My world shattered at that moment. Through everything, the divorce, the long illness and the building of a new marriage, J. and his brother had been wonderful and strong. This broke all of us. We turned the man in. It took over a year to go to court. In this year our family nearly broke apart. Because of the pain, we started to build walls, thinking that noone understood the feelings we were experiencing - not even the therapists. Those walls came crashing down, when one morning I heard terrible loud music from J.'s room. Since it was really early I was quite upset to be disturbed. I dashed into J.'s room and stopped dead in my tracks. J was on the floor weeping. He had tried to commit suicide and THANK GOD he had failed. We cried together. J. then told me that for the whole time the abuse was going on, he had prayed every night that God would make it stop. But the longer it went on, the less he could believe in God. But with this guilt, he couldn't live on. Why did God allow this? he asked me. And I knew no answer! Wasn't that the question I had asked God over and over again. THE WHY???? I told J. I didn't know. I felt as deserted spiritually as J. As we told our family, we found out that they shared the same feelings. Up to this day we still do not know WHY? But we know that one day, when we meet HIM face to face, we will get the answer. That is our hope. Since this terrible time three years have passed. Our family has grown together in so much love, understanding and friendship. And in knowledge of His neverending, deep, all surpassing love. Out of all this pain came a new and wonderful beginning for this family. God bless, Michelle Prov. 3: 5 - 6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straigt. Click HERE to return to the edited story Click HERE to create a banner that links to this story! Your e-mail address will be kept private!
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